Sometimes You Have To Fall, To Get Back Up [Aftermath]

I want to take you guys back…

about five years.

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I’ve been close to loosing my college degree, for the second time. I don’t mean in a literal way though, I mean in an ‘ I almost didn’t finish’, for the second time. Now this is a story that I will tell in two parts.

First, I’m going to tell you guys what happened after

Here’s some background. I attended University of California, Merced. Back when it was still fairly new, I was probably the 12th class to graduate. Which is pretty awesome! I can tell you now that the school has changed a lot. It became bigger and more beautiful. Anyways, it was the year of 2014, oh what a lovely first three years of college. I was having a dilemma about college. Ya know debating whether it was right for me or not?

Well, guess what?

I received a letter saying that I was dismissed and unable to continue attending this school.

Fuck. My. Life.

My heart sank.

I just spent over 15k on loans trying to get my degree. Not only that, I just ended what I already had worked for.

What was I thinking?

And in that moment I realized, I NEEDED TO FINISH. I WANTED TO FINISH. I was so afraid to tell my parents, and to hear how much of a disappointment I was as a daughter. The moment I told them I could just feel all of their emotions. It’s like they were poured onto me and I was drowning. My dad didn’t speak to me for days, maybe weeks. He was so angry.

As I returned home, I kept thinking, what am I going to do now? Am I just going to work my ass off with minimum wage? I seriously did not want that.

So what did I do?

I busted my ass off, that’s what!

I was determined to go back. Determined to get my college degree from THAT school. Unfortunately, I had to wait a year to be considered. During that time, I did a lot of thinking. A lot of learning and most importantly a lot of growing.

I went straight back to school, I applied to a community college near me. I’m not stupid, I’m pretty smart. I just made stupid decisions. So here I was trying to pull my life back together. Retaking courses that I had failed, to raise my GPA. You had to have a specific GPA to be considered.

Well, I did it.

Along the way, I learned to love and appreciate school. Funny thing is, this is where I figured out what I wanted to do for a career. I wanted to, and still want to become a teacher. So, I was also taking childhood development.

I worked! Yes, I worked and went to school. I learned how to manage my time. Which I was horrible at when I was at the UC. I was such a big procrastinator, man let me tell you. I would write big, long papers the night before they were due! Anyways, I moved from job to job that whole year. I had maybe three different ones? Not because I got fired or anything but because I got bored or didn’t enjoy it. Three jobs in and I scored a job I fell in love with, and that was being a childhood educator on Stanford campus. To be honest, I think I just got lucky scoring that job. I mean, I had no experience working with children?

Anyways,

I also worked out. Yes, I went to the gym every single day. My days were packed. I was going to school, work and then gym. I had nothing but time for myself. No distractions. No one to bring me down. Nothing. It was just me, myself and I. And I was happy with it. This is when I learned to love myself. Going to the gym became my passion. It became a lifestyle, not a hobby. I was eating healthy, trying to gain muscle and I was living my best life. I was in love with life. Happy with who I was, and where I was going.

So in a sense I am glad I went through that experience. I believe I needed it to make a change in my life. I needed to change who I was, not because I was a bad person but because I wasn’t getting anywhere. This benefited me. This gave me light. I found out things about me that I wouldn’t have known if I was still trying to decide what path I should take. It did take longer to accomplish, but it was worth it. What can I say, I learn things the hard way.

Sometimes in life, shit hits you hard and you have to live through that struggle to become better. Things aren’t handed to you, you fight for what you want. If things were easy, everybody would be doing it. What’s the fun in that?

By the way, I did return to school the following year, 2015. I graduated with a BA in Psychology in 2016.

YOU can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, you just have to WORK hard for it.

Work hard, play hard.

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